harmony

Love without thinking.
Live for right now.
Look for the beauty in everything.
Forget regret,
It's time to live.

The world is an adventure.
Explore your life.
Explore your surroundings.
Explore the lives of others.
Ask questions. Dig deep.
Form friendships.
Form connections.
Don't be afraid of attachment.
Stability. Understanding. Relation.
Don't be afraid to love.

Reach out.
Life is now.
It's time.

guts

The things we put on our bodies.
Clothing. Hair dye. Tattoos. Piercings.
They do not make us who we are.
They do not define us.
They do not make us 'good' people or 'bad' people.
They just make us people.
People with opinions.
People with beliefs.
People with ideas and feelings.

It's these things.
These things inside us.
Not literally inside.
These things make us who we are.
These things define us.

When you have those things on the outside.
Those things that make people assume
they know who we are.
When you are put into a category.
When others become prejudice against you.
When others assume they know your life.
You should have something
to prove them wrong.
Opinions. Beliefs. Ideas. Feelings.

Don't just be an empty shell
that relies on its outward appearance
to make an impression.

alone

If there's no one to turn their back on you,
Then you'll never feel a cold shoulder.

If there's no one to lie to you,
Then you'll never be betrayed.

If there's no one to break you down,
Then you'll always stand tall.

If there's no one to support you,
Then there's no one to buckle under the weight.

If there's no one to hold you up,
Then you'll never fall.

If there's no one else,
Then no one will ever fail you.

Whenever

We've been wandering for quite some time now.
Not sure where we are going
But less sure of where we have just been.
We are hopelessly lost.
You are Hansel. I am Gretel.
The crumbs are gone.
They've been swept away.
If by the wind or another that is following us,
Trying to enhance our confusion,
I am unsure.
But I will always be with you.
Whenever you need me.

We will stick it out,
Find our way
Through the rough and the thorns,
Hand in hand.
I will always be here,
Maybe not physically,
But I will always be with you.
Whenever you need me.

We'll be each other's compass.
Help find our own true north.
When the trees are too tall
When the brush is too thick
When the hollow tree casts shadows
That dilute your courage,
I will always be with you
Whenever you need me.

X

The droplets make a trail down my face and back as though they were slugs on their journey to nowhere. If it's the excess water falling from my hair or just mere sweat, I could not tell you. I've been running for a while now. I'm running to no one. I'm running from no one. Or, at least, I don't think I am. I'm not sure anymore. Like the slugs, I'm on a journey to nowhere.
I've always said I hated running. That is still true. The ache in my legs act as a sort of warning. Signaling that the next stride could possibly be my last before I collapse into total exhaustion. The pounding in my chest, my lungs screaming for more. I feel like I'm breathing through a straw. Like I've been dunked without first getting a gasp of air. My throat, oh my throat. The air cuts into it as i gasp for more oxygen. It stabs at my windpipe, threatening me. These are the symptoms. The things that, before now, kept me from going. But this time, they are the things that are keeping me from stopping. I don't mind them now. At least I know I can feel. At least I know I'm alive. Back where I was, back at the beginning, I was't sure of that.
But like I said, the beginning. The beginning of a feeling is never an easy spot to pin point. One can never really think of the exact time that they started to feel alive. What it is that triggers these emotions, is never one person or place. Happiness is not a point A to point B journey. It's a vague, abstruse voyage that one can never fully remember. Or explain. But recognizing the spot where the good things in your life started to deteriorate, where they started to decay, that's easy.
One warning sign. One fake smile. One half hearted laugh. One glance away. That's all it takes. That's all it takes to know it's about to change. That's all it takes to know that from here on out it's not going to be the same. And after you know things are different, it starts to progress faster. You start to notice every little thing. And then all those little things, they drive you crazy. They're all you ever think about. But to do anything about it, to speak up, to confront, out of the question. You don't want to be the one to ruin it all.
It consumes you. You can't get away from it. All you can do is run.

dreams.

The soft shine of the dimming streetlight shone on the grass around us, creating a stage full of actors of an unusual size. The creatures crawling through the blades scare me, but not nearly as much as you do. You laying there. Us laying there. Only us. Nothing stopping us. Nothing stopping the words flowing between us. Nothing breaking the fragile connection we have just formed.. I take that back. I'm not afraid of you. It's your love that I fear. Our love. To be in so deep, too deep to turn back, to be so consumed in one emotion, one feeling. That is what I'm afraid of.
The summer wind blowing the leaves around, the traffic on the other side of the field, your deep inhale as you nervously feel for my hand. These are the sounds I hear. The soft blades sticking between the threads of our blanket, your calloused fingertips back and forth along the soft skin on my forearm, the dry mud stuck to my feet from running through this now peaceful field. These are the things I feel. But I also feel happiness. Happiness as though I've never felt. I realize that every moment up to right now never mattered because you were not there to share it with me.
The traffic. The cars across the mud and the dead harvest. They're getting louder. They're getting closer. A car horn sounds. I wake up.
I never saw your face. I don't know who you are. But I know I loved you.

the lake.

The cool night breeze
and how it tickles the hair on my arms.
The lake water licking at the tips of my toes.
Enticing me to jump in,
To indulge myself in its soft touch,
It's warm caressing waves.
The quiet creak of the hammock
As I look into the night
And wish I was as beautiful as the stars.
The grinding of the gravel underneath my tires
As the golf cart takes me into the darkness.
Take me down a road,
Not sure where it leads
But not a care.
Surrounded by tall stalks of corn.
Too tall to see over.
The fear and anticipation
That any second someone could jump out
And take me away.
And then the relief when I make it back safely.
The inhale and exhale of my loving family
As we share a living space.
The total peace of mind
That nobody around me would ever make me feel sadness.

These are the things that make me happy.
Oh, how my heart longs for these days.

arctic winter.

I just want it to be cold.
A bitter, painful wind
There to hurt me as I walk outside.
Out these doors.
I want to be wrapped up.
To have to be made warm.

I want someone to offer me their warmth.
To share it with me.
To give up some of their own survival.
Their own self.
Their own being.
For me.

But the harsh wind blows,
Biting at my reality.
An acrid, pungent vinegar.
But someday
The aftertaste will pass.
A new experience. A new sweetness.